Giving and Receiving Help

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A Few Thoughts on Giving and Receiving Help 

I haven’t blogged in awhile…you may not have noticed. That’s ok. Most readers find me by doing a search.

If you have stopped by before…maybe you remember my blog post about The Unexpected Side of Homeschooling.  Those eerie times when our read-alouds added an extra layer of schooling to our lessons.

Giving and Receiving Help

Well the beginning of this month my ladies bible study started the book, Just Show Up.

I actually already owned the book. I had bought it several months ago. See at the time I knew I was awkward and uncomfortable with saying the right or wrong thing when people are hurting.

I just knew that silence when you are hurting can’t be understood, it is faceless, void of meaning. I didn’t want to be that friend who said nothing in my fear of saying the wrong thing.

Even though I had never followed Kara’s story I wanted to read the book in the hopes of being a better giver of help. I like helping…I am comfortable with dropping off meals, cleaning up houses and taking care of extra kids.

But this week…this week I realized I am going to have to be the receiver of help. That brings many tears to my eyes.

I could sprew a line of medical terms…COPD, growths, benign, cancer, vascular…that equate to my husband’s health. This time when he goes on medical leave…we lose all his benefits. He had just returned to work from being out from shoulder surgery for 4 months…so we enter this battle in a deficit.

People ask and offer…what do you need…how can I help…Friends my mind is blank…actually my mind is hurting from life. It takes a lot of mental strength to care for my husband.

Let’s talk about the other side of recieving help…you see…I have to be brave to let you in…because when you Just Show Up…it’s going to expose you to other sides of my life. Often I am not feeling brave.

You might offer to bring a meal…and I will have to police your knowledge of food allergies…so I can keep my family safe. Then I will have to explain my youngest doesn’t eat wet meat…I don’t really even know what that means myself…but I am going to need to explain it. By this point you might be thinking you are way over your head in bringing that meal.

If you show up and do my laundry…you are going to notice a lot of things…mainly I really need to find some time to shop for new underthings.

Seriously this Just Show Up thing…it is messy. Often you can not fix it…you can’t fix the hard stuff in life.

My life is just not about caring for my husband…it is being a special needs momma, it is being a work in and out of the home wife…and a homeschooling family. Often these things have kept me from participating with community.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to live life on an island…but we know that is a lie.

So I am going to work on receiving help…because I know I can’t not walk this path alone.

In the book, they talk about this being a dance…and I am pretty sure we are going to step on each other toes…but you know…you can only step on each other toes by just showing up.

Which one are you better with…giving or receiving help? 


This post may contain AFFILIATE LINKS. Clicking through these links help to support the costs involved in running this blog and sometimes can help with other expenses. You can find my full disclosure under the DISCLOSURE TAB. Thanks!


  1. Maggie Hogan says:

    Receiving help was anathema to me a number of years back. Like you I much preferred to be the giver. And I sure didn’t want people seeing my bathrooms, my piles and piles of books and paper, or my fridge! But there came a day I had no choice. I don’t have anywhere near the issues you have to contend with so I don’t pretend to put myself in your shoes but this much I learned: God gave me grace and a deeper understanding of life on the recieving side of things. Praying for you as you continue to walk through very deep waters.

  2. me says:

    love you friend

  3. Ticia says:

    I am so much better at giving help than receiving it. I think it takes a whole different and equally hard level of humility and grace to accept help when we need it.

    And I had noticed you weren’t posting, but knew you had enough going on to not push.

  4. Cathy says:

    Stacey, What’s going on with Ron? I thought things were on the rebound, what do you guys need?
    Maybe you can’t share here, if so email me. You know I love you and your family AND I too, am much better at giving help than getting help.
    So……let’s dance. X

    • Stacey Lane says:

      Friend…I will send you an email! I miss you too.

  5. Like most, I would much prefer to give help. I have to remind myself that it is a blessing to others to be able to give help, too. Intellectually it makes sense that in order for help to be given, there has to be someone receiving. It’s just hard to accept that on the heart/emotional love.

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